mardecides

Perception is a funny thing. Some days, I look in the mirror and I see a pretty girl looking back at me. Too fat, yes, but still pretty. Other days, I look in the mirror and see a disgusting creature that looks like a haggard blob. I look at my boobs and wish for a fork lift. I look at my hanging gut and wish I could just slice off the fat rolls. I want to stretch my neck and never show my upper arms.  

But as I’ve been reading other blogs and looking at profiles, I constantly find myself thinking, “God, I only wish I weighed what this chick weighs and she thinks she needs to lose weight?!” Or, more commonly, I look at the profile pictures and I swear the women who’ve graciously accepted to be this cranky, smart-ass’s buddy are GORGEOUS. Simply beautiful. Take a look.  

Belle, whose model’s face makes me want to go clubbing with her. Lara, with her blinding, killer smile, has an energy that jumps off the page. Ashley’s perfect lips – I want your lip gloss secret! Julie’s silky hair and glowing skin looks so healthy. Jenn rocks a tank top I wish I could wear. And I’m pretty sure both Tammy and Rebecca could be eye models for L’Oreal. I have lash-envy something fierce. 

And I’m not posting this to get a whole bunch of compliments back. My point is about perception. I can so easily see beauty in others, but yet I had to force myself to post my own weight stats and a picture. I was ashamed. It’s shaming to be fat and feel ugly because it’s a reflection of what I’ve allowed to happen throughout the years.

But, I’m slowly starting to lose the shame because I realized that as I’m envying the profiles of other people here, other people are probably looking at me and my profile and seeing something beautiful that I can’t or something that I’ve lost sight of throughout the years too. It’s a two-way street. Or rather, a magic mirror. And that’s a beautiful, and motivating, thing.